constructive summer (we're gonna build something this summer)

how to get through a sudden and terrifying thunderstorm in the heart of Ohio: crank up the Beastie Boys, be careful with the gas, and if you're in the passenger seat, just keep knitting.

how to survive Chicago in rush hour: let Alan Rickman take the wheel, yell "MARCO" out the window till your best friend responds with "SCUTARO," let your inner Southern belle give advice on life as you crawl thirty miles in three hours. when all seems to be lost and the sky opens up with another monsoon, break out the Rick Springfield.

how to find a hotel in South Bend, Indiana on an hour's notice: call the Quality Inn, it's cheap and there's free breakfast. turn on your high beams if your headlights burn out; Indiana makes that kinda shit happen, but you still end up loving it more than Ohio.

how to get in a Minnesota state of mind: look at the sky. look out as far as you can because it's the flattest land you may ever see, turn on the Replacements and marvel.

how to enjoy Ohio: Rancid, Offspring, Green Day, blue skies. not necessarily in that order. try not to get off the interstate more than once. also, be careful which exits you take or you will find yourself in Alabama very, very quickly.

how to sleep an average of five hours a night and drive six to seven hours a day: take full advantage of the following: coffee. Rich Harden (ooer - leave it). pop-punk. the lack of state cops in Ohio.

how to ensure that you will be up way too fucking late for anybody's good in Chicago: start showing your best friend pictures of ridiculously attractive baseball players and, any time the conversation lapses, yell "HEGGEDY". this is a better idea than you might think, as it sometimes leads to the writing of brilliant Creed parodies. at four in the morning.

how to get to Wrigley Field: Red Line train to Addison, north of town. put on your Cubbies hat when you get off the train and pretend like you fit in. subtly take pictures of the Ernie Banks banner and marvel at the fact that you're in the Friendly Confines for real.

how to get moving on a gray, soaking wet morning in northern Indiana: "This Year," the Mountain Goats. do it.

how not to tackle Ohio efficiently: stop in Columbus looking for an open public restroom on a Sunday afternoon. assume that Columbus will be a normal city, or at the very least, no more asinine than Pittsburgh about things being open. I tell you this for free: do not count on Columbus for anything, ever. even a McDonald's.

how to come back home: cross the Allegheny and get a little teary, railroad tracks winding back into the woods like they wanted to construct the most Pennsylvania-like scene possible, just for you.